Self-care vs coping strategies, the subtle and yet vital difference between them
What I've noticed #26
Thursday evening I had a rare night out (I’m usually in bed at 9 pm) and went to listen to Sunday Times Best Selling author Emily Katy in conversation about her fabulous book Girl Unmasked. A delightful and inclusive evening where I met the loveliest of people and learnt about Emily’s story. I’m not going to tell you much more except you should go and buy her book. This book will give you hope if you are struggling, plus provide insight and understanding into what it can be like to be autistic. A question posed by the audience to Emily was how she now manages her dips and how often she now has them. What I noticed this week while delivering Mental Health First Aid training, was there seemed to be several questions on managing dips whether for poor or mental ill-health and the nuances between coping strategies and self-care.
Being neurodivergent and at times struggling with my mental health means I have worked exceptionally hard on my coping and self-care strategies; I see coping strategies and self-care as slightly different actions. I still have my dips, but I’m smarter at recognising when it is happening, and I know what I need to quickly deploy to bring me back to balance. I practice lots of self-compassion and I never feel guilty about putting myself first (years of being coached taught me this).
One of my biggest lessons in self-care which has been liberating, is a change in mindset knowing I cannot have it all, all the time, and I’m now okay with that. To illustrate what I mean by this, I am heading into my biggest month of the year for the work. I am involved with some fantastic work projects taking me up and down the UK and overseas until the end of June — coupled with training for an ultra-trail marathon taking place on the 6th of July. I have purposefully not made any social plans to do anything over this period. Yesterday I booked one of the last tickets to a classical music concert at the Southbank Centre taking myself out on a solo date. I felt the need to schedule something lovely for me, bringing some romance into my life, even when I’m single - this is an article for another time.
I have mentioned intentional rest in my writing before, which is one of my coping strategies. I intend to do lots of lying horizontal on the couch where I can over the next nine weeks. If those thoughts of FOMO come calling, I will be reminding myself of all the other things I’m loving and making space for in my life. May lands next week, in the US it marks the start of Mental Health Awareness Month, and from the 13th it is Mental Health Awareness Week in the UK, a perfect time for you to assess your coping and self-care strategies. The theme in the UK for the awareness week is movement, so how are you going to nudge yourself to move your body? Fingers crossed the weather will start to improve soon, and the more you can get outside into the fresh air, and where possible into nature, is a huge mood booster for our brains.
Going back to coping strategies vs self-care, for me, the difference between a coping strategy and self-care is that self-care is how I show up in my life day to day so it’s all-encompassing. In essence, a part of my lifestyle. Yes, it can include my coping strategies too. But my coping strategies are what I amp up when I’m starting to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or hyper-sensitive. They are my break glass in case of emergency strategies when I move into a meltdown state. They are the tools I need to bring me back to my baseline regulating my nervous system. Coping strategies might be my weighted blanket, gentle movement, calling my Mum and my favourite comfort food. Coping strategies on the whole make me feel safe and often soothed. On the other hand, my self-care might look like, breakfast with a good friend, a swim at the lake, or a solo cinema date. My self-care is quite changeable, but I find my coping strategies are solid, vary less and tend to be more introverted.
What are your top self-care and coping strategies? Do you mix up your self-care? What are your solid non-negotiables that you couldn’t be without? What makes you feel safe and soothed? Have a ponder and do share below what you think.
If you need support in refreshing your self-care there are several ways, you can work with me throughout May to do this.
All timings below are BST.
May 3rd 12.30 pm – Kickstart your May
Begin your month of May with 30 minutes of Thrivership Coaching™️ with RCD. Live streamed across both LinkedIn and Instagram. A few rounds of breathwork to get focused, journal prompts and personal intention setting for the month ahead. A free event.
May 8th 7 pm - Movement: Moving more for our Mental Wealth
Movement doesn’t have to be about going to the gym, participating in an exercise class, or running. Movement is about stepping away from our desks during the day, using the stairs more, playing with the kids in the park and pottering about in the garden. As a positive psychology practitioner, well-being coach, certified breathwork leader and qualified fitness instructor, I have spent time working in the fitness industry and have experienced the positives and sometimes the negatives, that result from using exercise as a coping strategy. This 45-minute free webinar different to our usual meeting style will have a blend of science, story-telling and practical tools for discovering how moving more supports your self-care. Paid subscribers will receive a movement goals checklist and a downloadable affirmation recording to get you moving!
May 30th 9.30 am – Mental Health First Aid Refresher Training
The four-hour session will take place via TEAMS. The four-hour MHFA Refresher course gives you the chance to renew your skills, update your knowledge of mental health support, practice applying the Mental Health First Aid action plan and access three years of MHFAider®️ Support and Benefits.
Cost: £150pp + VAT.
Next week my tour starts in London, then off to Rugby for two days, then back to London. I’ve already looked ahead to plan my movement for the week. I’m treating myself to a day pass to the Nuffield Health Centre in Rugby so I can go for a swim after an intense first day of delivery of training 400 managers with actors. My adrenaline will be super high, so I am already mitigating how to manage my descent back to earth. I will not be surprised if it includes a tension headache come Thursday, but we will see. I try not to focus on easing my symptoms like headaches as it rarely works. Instead, I focus on managing my body to regulate itself as quickly as possible to alleviate the symptoms.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday and I hope to see you at one of the events in May.
Take care,
Coops xx