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To coincide with World Sleep Day on 15th March, my next Mental Wealth workshop is open to all Tuesday 19th March 7pm-7.45pm GMT. Breathe for Performance – breathwork aimed for relaxation and meditation session.
A few days ago my body took a huge sigh of relief when I stepped off the plane onto the boarding stairs. I felt I could catch my breath and pause for the next four days. Within 24 hours what I noticed is that it felt as if I had been here a week.
This is the effect that Jersey has on me. For me it is a place of coming home. Unlike where I have a similar feeling such as Whitstable or Sydney - both of where I have lived for periods of time, I have never lived in Jersey.
I was curious why Jersey feels this way for me and what does the phrase mean ‘to come home’.
For almost 9 years I have been visiting my good friends Dean and Ro since they moved out here. I first visited in summer 2015, a month before my nervous breakdown. I flew in after a very boozy London trip. I had been to Stonewall’s summer party, which took place on a boat on the Thames. Looking back I was a mess. I was still going through my divorce, and I was unwell. When I started my recovery, Jersey was one of the first places I visited, we jokingly dubbed my rehab visit. Since then I always feel rehabilitated every time I return.
Home comes in the way of connection to Dean and Ro who I see very much as family and not friends, two of the kindest people I know. They have been there for the best and worst of times. In 2018 when I stopped drinking alcohol, Dean was one of the first people I told, because I was due to visit for a black-tie charity ball. I recall nervously phoning him, which in his usual manner, he put me at ease that it would all be fine, and no-one would notice as I’m already crazy. He was right it was fine. In hindsight, it was a big deal being the first big event within a few weeks of giving up booze, which I still felt comfortable to attend knowing I had their support.
If you have been to Jersey, you know it’s a small island. I have got to know my way around it well. This adds to the familiarity of the place, and I’ll wander off on my own when I’m here. Through Dean and Ro I have met people here and made my own friendships. It is somewhere I consider my safe space, somewhere sacred in my world.
The idea of a safe space you could liken to the idea of home, of being cared for or loved. Somewhere you can show-up as you without fuss needed, unapologetically you. There is no pretence. I love this quote by Vernon Baker which for me sums it up
“Where is home? Home is where the heart can laugh without shyness.
Home is where the heart's tears can dry at their own pace.”
When I return to Jersey, I notice my wellbeing is enhanced as I prioritise my self-care. I slow down and nourish my soul. Thursday, I took a long nap on the bed in the sunlight. I’ve read my book. I attended a lunchtime journaling workshop. I’ve taken long walks out in the countryside. I might still check emails or do creative work, but here rest is prioritised and not work. Something I struggle to balance where I live now.
Whether it is being outdoors walking Pippy, napping on the couch, or running along the coast, there is an intention behind what type of rest is needed. Some would ask isn’t this a holiday Ruth? But I feel with a holiday I tend to want to go off and explore, or it takes me a few days to settle into the environment. I have the same feeling returning to Jersey that I have when I head home to Derbyshire - without the sea.
Every meal feels special whether it’s in a restaurant or cafe, a home cooked meal, coffee and cake, or a hearty breakfast. I practice savouring with food, which is more than just pleasure. In positive psychology savouring is about how you can up-regulate positive feelings by paying conscious attention to what you are experiencing, whether this is in the past, present or future.
I always mandate sleep is a superpower and here in Jersey the quality of my sleep improves. I have deep restful sleep. I wake feeling refreshed. I can sense my nervous system unwinding itself, smoothing out the kinks and knots.
As my nervous system regulates, I am aware I feel safe and happy. It is a reset for my mind, body, and my spirit.
For me this is what it means to come home.
What does coming home feel like for you?
I’m now off to enjoy my last day outdoors before heading back tomorrow.
Enjoy your Sunday, Coops x
You’ve done it again! You’ve brought me back to nearly 40 years ago. I was an inpatient at a local psychiatric hospital following a serious episode of depression. A very dear friend took me back to her house for the day, offering peace and space.
BUT ! Very surprisingly, I couldn’t wait to get back to the ward. For me, at the time, this was because (I now realise) the hospital was my sanctuary, peace and safe place!
Who would have believed this?
For that time being, I felt the hospital was where I wanted to be, indeed, needed to be!
And this was repeated about 8 times over a 20 year period. I have, at last, been able to understand that this extraordinary and unusual feeling made a psychiatric ward my “home” for a few weeks at a time.
I look forward to ZOOMing on Tuesday
I’ve tried, since 7pm to get into the ZOOM session. I’ve failed miserably. I thought I was completely savvy about using Zoom! I’m sorry to have missed this session. Better luck next time!