Quitter’s Day: The Power of Letting Go to Align With What Truly Matters

Rethinking goal setting: Why flexible, intentional, and compassionate approaches lead to lasting change.

Welcome to Coffee with Coops. I’m glad you found me. I’m Coops, a workplace positive psychology + wellbeing expert, a Thrivership Coach™️ - lover of coffee and cake.

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Hello, I am writing this on Friday, and today is Quitter’s Day.

Yep. It is a thing. I heard about it on the podcast All in the Mind, the episode on Forward Thinking hosted by the brilliant Claudia Hammond. There are research studies that back this up.

This got me thinking about all the things that I have quit over my life that I could at least remember and stood out to me. Some of them include

My marriage

A nutrition course when I was a fitness instructor

A corporate career

A career in fitness

Three businesses

Learning Italian

Netball

An ultra-marathon

People pleasing

Booze (6 years now!)

Pretending to like people I don’t

My application to join the Army as an officer.

Toxic friendships

Talking to myself like trash.

Amateur dramatics

Counting calories (and simply caring about them full stop)

What about you? Are there any hard quitters like me? Tell me I am not alone.

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Sometimes, it is good to quit; I would rather quit than stick with something that I am not enjoying or no longer aligns with my values. As someone with ADHD, particularly hyperactivity and impulsivity, I have been the queen of starting hobbies and recreational activities and never keeping at them.

Quitter’s Day is related to New Year’s Resolutions because people generally quit on the second Friday of the month (10^th January). Let’s face it - we get all excited about wanting to change and receive a spike of dopamine because we have made all these plans and feel excited to push ahead. Then, about two weeks in, the brain is exhausted from what it interprets as dramatic changes to our behaviour. Yes if try to go from zero to hero, it literally has a meltdown.

I have been exercising for a long time – I even had a brief career in fitness. I run marathons, but motivation only gets me so far to get up and train. A lot is the boring discipline and consistency, which no one likes to really think about and I’m sorry to say that takes time to cultivate and work at. People say to me, “Coops you are so motivated”. I hate to break it to you. I’m not always. Sometimes I would rather have a lie-in, or I would rather be in the warm than the rain. Our motivation will always ebb and flow over time. But this is the catch, running is something that aligns with my values and beliefs. Over time, my brain has learnt and knows, it will make me feel better or no worse than I currently feel. It is rare for this not to happen, but I never regret a run. I love being outdoors. I love how running makes my body feel strong. I enjoy watching my progress and when I say progress I’m talking over time or coming back from injury, or taking time out for sickness. I love going to races and training for them (but honestly there is always a bit somewhere in the depths of the middle that bores me or makes me cry). I enjoy meeting people and connecting with strangers through running.

So if you are trying to make a change that does not yet truly align with your values and beliefs, it’s going to be hard to maintain. Did you know our brain uses 20% of the energy in our body. Our daily actions are 40% habitual, so any change we want to bring in will require extra energy. Added to which this time of year, if you are somewhere cold (it’s currently -1C this afternoon where I am in Derbyshire), think of how much extra energy your body needs to keep warm and functioning well. Adding a new fitness regime or a bunch of goals will likely feel overwhelming. Hence Quitter’s Day and no surprising, your enthusiasm is hitting low vibes.

BUT it doesn’t have to be all bad, and for you to just give up and throw in the metaphorical towel. Yep, I’m talking to you (slight nod) with the all or nothing mentality. Yes I see you.

A few tips from what I’ve learnt in my coaching room are to consider the type of goal setting you are engaging in. You will no doubt be aware of SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound) – well, they may not be the best type of goal to set when making changes we want to see in our lives. There are scientific studies done on this. Yet we are often taught that SMART goals are the right and only way to make goals - thanks to corporate professional development and a lifetime of business books. I promise there are lots of other ways we can motivate ourselves to achieve what we want in our life, or at least take small steps forwards in the direction we want to go.

You can use Do Your Best goals. For example, rather than saying I will walk 10,000 steps daily, try - I will walk as much as possible this week. I use this approach a lot when it comes to my running—even when I am following a training plan for a race. It takes the pressure off if I miss a run because of life happening. I use it for my writing too, I would love to write daily but at the moment unless I have a specific project, it simply won’t happen. Priorities are also there to be explored and to be curious about, because what you are prioritising might be the barrier to your moving forward on a certain goal. That’s okay, just know you can’t do everything all at once - sorry instagram cliche posts.

Open goals are also helpful to set. They can be exploratory and are suggested for creative approaches. Last March, I set an open goal with my coach it was - I want to obtain broadcast experience in 2024. This was not set in stone for what it would look like, there was only a loose time frame of the end of 2024. By August I became a breakfast show presenter on a local community radio station for six months. Thus claiming my experience required and goal ticked. For my neurodivergent brain, I like the pressure off. If you didn’t know this about me I am also spiritual, so open goals allow me to approach my destiny and wishes with an open invitation for the universe to participate. Sometimes, we can limit ourselves, and there is no way back in March I would have set a goal to be a regular broadcaster on radio in a prime-time slot - it wouldn’t have been something I felt I could envision.

Intentional goals involve asking yourself the intention behind your behaviour. For example, you might choose the word "healthy" as your approach to the first quarter of 2025. However, if you come down with a cold and it is minus two degrees outside, going outside to move your body when you are tired is likely not a healthy option. When my coaching clients feel they are going off track, we often go back to their original intention or word.

Tools such as visualisation and imagery are very powerful and are used by sports psychologists with top athletes. It helps to prepare the body and mind for the goal you want to achieve. Using imagery that allows for full sensory exploration, for example what you can hear, or smell when achieving your goal can help cement your vision and goal in your brain.

Use the poll below to let me know if you would like me to create a visualisation meditation for your goal setting next week in Coffee with Coops.

With any goal setting, please give yourself a ton of self-compassion and kindness. Regarding health and wellbeing goals, remember that most of us are doing life, being parents, having careers and jobs, navigating stressors, and caring for others. Likely, you don’t have a live-in chef or pay for a daily personal trainer or a team of people to get other stuff done for you. You must be kind - again something that comes up in my coaching rooms a lot.

I can’t tell you if this is an age thing for me, but I am relaxed about how I approach life, and I even changed the name of goals to wishes, because for me they felt less corporate and rigid sounding. I am excited about them and 2025 and I love living an intentional life - which by the way doesn’t mean for me slow. I think intentional for some people equates to slower living. For me it is about the approach and thinking behind an action - so yes, absolutely sometimes I require a pause to consider, is this in line with my intentions?

I said in Coffee with Coops last week that my word of the year is unstoppable. I don’t have a lot of pressure coming from internal expectations. I care most about my heart and soul; if that is in a good place, then everything else is starting from a place of good in the world.

I would love to hear if you have a word for the year, or your approach to wishes or goals.

PS - Make sure you are subscribed to get all the coffee next week on the Calm with Coops series.

Happy Sunday.

Love Coops ☕️💛